Monday, 5 July 2010

Victoria Pendleton, Hovis Wholemeal Bread

Just like previous COP reviewee Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton is a cyclist, but unlike Hoy, she is more than a cyclist, she is a hot cyclist. This is news to the world, which had long thought that women only take part in athletics and tennis. In fact, if Vicky were a tennis player, she'd be featured on I know, that sounds like a blog I've made up for the purposes of a joke, but click the link and, lo and behold, you'll see it isn't. You'll also see that their criteria for hot female tennis players seems to be 'female' and 'plays tennis', but I suppose if, like Douglas Quaid in Total Recall, your preference is for athletic women, then all female tennis players are hot. Due to Britain's lack of elite female tennis players, us shallow male sports fans have to be thankful for the likes of Pendleton and heptathlete Kelly Sotherton, who is attractive in spite of because of her navel deficit.

Anyway I better derail this post's journey into my latent sexism. I felt sorry for Pendleton when she only got one gold medal in Beijing. Just the one. Poor her. Had she won that gold in Atlanta, she'd have received an instant damehood, but in Beijing her gold got lost among our glut of them while three golds meant Hoy emerged as a great British Olympian (Goodbye Chris, Hello Sir Chris!). Given that they ride in the same disciplines, Pendleton should have won three as well, but only one of those was an Olympic event for women. Thankfully parity will be achieved in 2012, though unfortunately at the expense of some men's disciplines. Why this needs to be done eludes me when there are seemingly countless distances for each discipline in swimming (Hey! The guy who's best at swimming the individual medley over 200m is the best at swimming the individual medlery over 400m! What a coincidence!) Furthermore, the relative paucity of cycling events makes no sense at all given that bikes are rad, as any German-speaker will tell you.

Victoria's success perplexes me to some extent. I mean, look at the thighs on the Dutch girl! She'll never beat her.....she'll never beat her.....oh she has done.

As part of this promotion, Hovis dressed Victoria up as Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany's, I guess because they're playing on the 'Breakfast' bit even though Audrey Hepburn always looked like she'd skipped a fair few (unless I'm much mistaken and it's actually a reference to Deep Blue Something).

Over at the Hovis website Victoria (read: someone else) gives us a bunch of breakfast recipes running the gamut from stuff on toast to this 'n' that on toast to thingamajig surprise (spoiler alert: the surprise is toast). Her favourite recipe is peanut butter and banana on toast, a combination which has proven dangerously divisive amongst some of my friends. It's not one that I'm particularly in favour of either, given that I'm probably allergic to bananas. I say 'probably' as it's not like I'm in the habit of eating bananas by the bunchload just to confirm this.

Anyway, bread, bread, what is there to be said about bread? When I was younger and we had picnics as a family, I would have peanut butter sandwiches on wholemeal bread, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't allowed a drink until after I'd finished them, which is enough to instil Arachibutyrophobia in anyone. In hindsight I figure this was partly down to the bread being the bog standard Safeway brand (scrimping on bread is a small price to pay if it goes a little way towards meaning you can go to Disney World). Fortunately, now I don't have this problem, partly because Safeway got gobbled up by Morrison's (I guess their way of business was not sufficiently safe), but mainly because I can have as much water as I want, and as a result my peanut butter sandwiches with Hovis bread go down pretty well.

Victoria Pendleton: 7/10
Hovis Wholemeal Bread: 7.5/10
Total: 14.5/20

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