Loyd Grossman Carrot & Coriander Soup/Sicilian Style Tomato & Chilli with Pine Nuts & Raisins

Last time I reviewed a Loyd Grossman product I spoke about his tenure as Through The Keyhole presenter. He was also famous for presenting Masterchef from 1990 to 2000. Hands up though, I don't feel I remember it sufficiently. However, I am familiar with the current 'Goes Large'-era, so much so that I applied to go on the new series of Celebrity MasterChef*. I have to say I was flabbergasted when they turned me down. I'm a much loved blogger, hits on five continents, I said, waving Google Analytics data in their faces. New Zealand! Egypt! Vietnam! VIETNAM! They were having none of it. It's a shame, as here's what they missed out on. BLOGGING DOESN'T GET TOUGHER THAN THIS!

India Fisher: Ed has been sat on his backside for six hours.

John Torode: What are your three dishes, Ed?

Me: I'm doing Loyd Grossman Carrot and Coriander soup with a bread roll for starters followed by pasta with Loyd Grossman Sicilian Style Tomato & Chilli with Pine Nuts & Raisin pasta sauce.

Gregg Wallace: And for dessert?

Me: Based on my survey of Sainsbury's, that's an area of the market seemingly untapped by Loyd, so I'm making nothing.

Gregg: We know Ed's a celebrated blogger. He's got a lot of taste sensations to work with. Can he make them conspire to pleasure us?

John: I like a good Carrot & Coriander soup, I like a good bread roll. But together? I'm not sure it's a combination that can work.

Gregg: What about the pasta main course? Last time Ed let Loyd down with his presentation. Will he do it again?

John: I like paaaahhsta, I like paaaahhsta stauce. But together? I'm not sure it's a combination that can work.

Gregg: No dessert? It's a risk, a big, big risk.

John: How many times have we seen no dessert on this show? And how many times is it done badly? Can Ed do it right?

Me: I really want to cook them some food, and then for them to eat it, and tell me about it. If I can do that all while offering some bland soundbites, then I can go home happy.


John: Times up, guys.

India Fisher: For a starter, Ed has prepared Loyd Grossman Carrot and Coriander soup with a bread roll.

Gregg: IT'S CARROTY, IT'S CORIANDERY, IT'S SOUPY. I LIKE IT A LOT.

John: The spice of the coriander contrasts with the sweetness of the carrot, and then you've got the bread roll which helps soak up some of the soup. I'm really surprised it works.

India Fisher: His main course is pasta with Loyd Grossman Sicilian Style Tomato & Chilli with Pine Nuts & Raisin pasta sauce.

Gregg: WHAAAARRRRR. That's got a kick! IT'S TOMATOEY, IT'S CHILLI-EY, IT'S PASTA-EY. I LIKE IT A LOT.

John: You get the solidness of the paaaahhsta contrasting with the wetness of the paaaahhsta sauce. I'm really surprised it works.

Nadia Sawalha: You've cooked the pasta really really really well.

Me: Don't patronise me, this isn't Junior MasterChef.

Loyd Grossman: I like how juicy sun ripe tomatoes and fiery chillies are complemented by the pine nuts and raisins in this sauce.

Me: Too bloody right you do, Loyd. It says so on the jar.

Gregg: It does look like it's just been slopped on the plate though. Once again you've been let down by your presentation.

India Fisher: His dessert is nothing.

Gregg: IT WASN'T OOZEY, IT WASN'T BOOZY, IT WASN'T GOOEY. I DoN'T LIKE IT AT ALL.

John: The paucity of anything contrasts badly with the dearth of something. I could have done with at least a sorbet to cleanse the palate.

Gregg: We've made our decision....

John: The winner is.....

Gregg: Former soap star.

John: Ed, ageing popstar, British athlete who once placed 6th in an Olympic final, I'm afraid you're going home.

Me: GENERIC POSITIVE COMMENT IN SPITE OF DEFEAT



To be honest, the chillis made the pasta sauce a little too fiery for my liking.

Loyd Grossman: 8/10
Carrot & Coriander Soup: 7.5/10, Sicilian Style Tomato & Chilli: 5.5/10, Average: 6.5/10
Total: 14.5/20


*I may or may not be making this up.