What is it with football? Unlike cyclists, who endorse foodstuffs like Bran Flakes (Chris Hoy) or Hovis Wholemeal (Victoria Pendleton - COP review forthcoming), football likes to associate itself with junk. You'd think that the effect of footballers endorsing healthier foods would be much greater than that of endorsing products that everybody likes already. Thus, I can't quite fathom why the footballing authorities and footballers themselves are so much in thrall to these mega-rich multinationals.
Even when I was a young lad, footballers would do more honourable things, like sometime-Phantom of the Opera lookalike Gary Mabbutt appearing in mid-nineties CBBC magical realist masterpiece The Queen's Nose...
...which tangentially leads me to my...
Close Encounters of the Queen's Nose Kind:
1. When I worked at a well-known fast food restaurant, the dad from the Queen's Nose once came in to eat. He is also lovingly remembered for voicing Marvin, the Paranoid Android, in the TV and radio series of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
2. When I went on a skiing trip to France with my school, Harmony from the Queen's Nose was on the ferry there and back, going on a skiing trip with her school. She is also lovingly remembered for appearing in Jonathan Creek that one time and those adverts for Wrigley's sponsoring Hollyoaks.
Anyway, the accompanying Mega-advert for this promotion features a number of stars playing a game on a pitch outlined by Africans. Now, these Africans might look willing to do this, but I'm pretty certain that letting a load of black people form the bounds of the pitch for a bunch of multi-millionaires amounts to slavery.
There's not much to say about our trio of endorsers beyond their footballing talents, but it's perplexing that Frank Lampard hasn't been selected for the UK market, what with his blossoming romance with Christine Bleakley, the doyenne of early evening magazine shows (just look at Live From Studio Five - they need two women to fill her role). By the way, Frank, I understand and share your pain at losing a parent at a premature age, but I don't think you need to dedicate every goal to your mum - give her some rest, will you?
Now, when it comes to Pepsi or Coca-Cola, I don't really have any strong feelings either way. I'm pretty sure you'd agree though that the pecking order for either is
1. glass bottle
2. can
3. 500ml plastic bottle/top of 2l plastic bottle
4. bottom of 2l plastic bottle
And what about Coke on tap, you ask? Given its variable in-house mixture of concentrated syrup and carbonated water, often with some residue of Fanta/Tango/Sprite/7-Up/Sprunt thrown in, I think it's a bit of a stretch to call the stuff Pepsi or Coca-Cola.
So, I'd have to say that the Pepsi Max was not nearly as nice as the glass bottles of Pepsi Raw (made from all-natural ingredients) that I bought with it in a multi-buy offer. I'm not entirely sure whether this superiority is resultant from the natural kola nut flavour, or whether it is this glass bottle effect. On this point, currently featuring in the Uneven Geographies exhibition at Nottingham Contemporary is Cildo Meireles' Coca-Cola Project, glass bottles of Coke which he had printed slogans and then reintroduced into circulation. My overriding response was to want a nice cold bottle myself. I'm pretty sure that's not the correct reaction.
Lionel Messi: 8/10, Didier Drogba: 6/10, Fernando Torres: 7/10 (average 7/10)
Pepsi Max: 6.5/10
Total: 13.5/10
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